The best place to begin is at the beginning...

...but I can't remember back that far.

 
Last night four women came to my home and brought brave ideas to help me work towards remembering a way of being that I've never actually known.  I woke up sick to my stomach with the smell of cornish hen dishes covering every surface.  This is why party dishes should be done in the night.  I woke up sick to my heart that I missed out on this much of Diana until she's getting ready to leave. 

Notes from husband/wife banter:

Moment certainty/un
certainty at least about what you need to deconstruct
not a matter of when/age/a cycle for all
I feel competitive
you feel impatient
I don't feel like I'm doing anything
when you were on a prescribed path
map or list about what I need to see happen?
nothing matters-- like a road trip?
I might impose
your work will be to relax
draw
have a visceral sense but I don't have words for it
you can only go in one direction
all the tasks
so slow
How do you not look back?
I don't have time.
you can do everything but you can't do everything at once?
practicing your craft
If you
Hate?
If you set out to do something
Fulfilling it
Imaginary things which are pleasant to behold
Fulfilling me
Once you do it, it's done, over
what it was is much more interesting than what it is
attitude-- perception?
shifting perception?
deep time.
what to discover
Before I came to Chicago I had none of these pauses
how do you bring it to the surface?
it's all underground
unless you're confident?
I think you can relax